Bitch Slap: A future cult favorite or a slap in the face to all low budget movies?
I should have been suspicious of this film when promotional material for it listed so many action verbs that it filled an entire paragraph. However, online reviews from the debut in New York seemed promising. One person compared it to Pulp Fiction. Since I’m partial to the genius of Quentin Tarantino I decided to give it a shot. Plus, the three babes that starred in the movie were going to personally introduce it at the Nu Art theater in West L.A., along with other members of the cast and production team.
Upon arrival at the second viewing of the night things still seemed hopeful. A throng of film buffs were gathered outside, some to see the film for the first time and others gathering to discuss what they had just seen. One patron mentioned that even though he had just stepped out of the film, he was going to buy tickets for the second showing and see it again. Okay, I thought, maybe there is something to this movie that promises girls, guns and action.
I was hoping for a meet and greet instead of the generic “Here’s our movie, hope you like it,” but was let down concerning this aspect. Apparently, the visiting cast would be in the lobby for awhile during the first part of the film to answer questions, take pictures and hang out, but this would defeat the whole point of going to see the movie. I would miss the set-up and not know what the plot was about. Upon reflection, I think I would have had more fun if I had hung out in the lobby and then gone home.
It is beyond my comprehension why no one told me the truth about this movie before I decided to sit down and watch it. The truth is this: it’s like a bad porno movie without the sex. It’s a movie that tries so hard to include everything that is “supposed” to be in a bad cult movie that it misses the point completely.
It’s true that there are a lot of scenes with scantily clad women, but they are inserted purely for the shock value and to draw an audience. There are a lot of slow-motion close-ups of breasts, butts and bodies, shown over a symphony of generic action music. There are also a lot of fight scenes, (mostly girl on girl), done “matrix” style. There are so many of them that they lose their value. I thought the movie was going to end about five times, but it keeps going. And the final “twist” at the end just leaves you going “WTF?” It has no point, no redeeming plot and was generally unbearable. I would rather watch a Girls Gone Wild video.
The plot is supposed to be a surprise; hence a lot of annoying flashbacks that occur randomly throughout the film and only serve to further confuse the viewer because they make no sense. To add to this absurdity, the flashbacks are provided “Memento” style, from most recent back to the beginning. The audience is expected to keep track of all of the “clues” concerning just how three chicks with barely any clothes on wound up in a desert to search for the “treasure.” Most of the flashbacks involve members of the cast set against an extremely low quality green screen of some gigantic proportion. My favorite part of this was when I learned that one of the women is named Secret Agent 69, as she supposedly skies down the Alps to avoid a raving bad guy.
Of course, there is the usual supporting cast: other rouges bent upon claiming the riches for themselves, the interfering but naïve police officer and the secret intelligence leader, (played by Kevin Sorbo). It is mentionable that Lucy Lawless also makes brief appearance. Aside from these two, I don’t believe there were any other actors, (or acting), of note in the entire film. By far the worst character was the random Japanese vixen; I am suspicious that she wasn’t even speaking a real language as she sliced things up with a bladed yo-yo.
I tried to laugh at some of the scenes, surely during a screening the people that made this movie had to realize how ridiculous it was. But I’m left to the conclusion that everyone involved took it way to seriously. It’s just one of those movies that tries too hard. I think the crew sat down with a checklist as they were filming: boobs, check; plenty of fight scenes, check; crazy weapons and the semblance of espionage and covert operations, check; and so on. I won’t say that no one should see this movie, but please don’t listen to any of the promotional hype surrounding what a great film it is: what you’re really in store for is a great heap of garbage that would make just about anything else seem Oscar-worthy. This movie is now my bar for the worst film in ever.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Great Eats in Encino
Tear sheet from local reviews recently published in the 10th Anniversary Edition of "Hungry? Los Angeles."
The Best Hot Dogs on Sunset Strip
Tear sheet from local reviews recently published in the 10th Anniversary Edition of "Hungry? Los Angeles."
South African Fare From Out in the Valley
Tear sheet from local reviews recently published in the 10th Anniversary Edition of "Hungry? Los Angeles."
Best Place for a Burger and a Beer
Tear sheet from local reviews recently published in the 10th Anniversary Edition of "Hungry? Los Angeles."
Mexican Dining in Santa Monica
Tear sheet from local reviews recently published in the 10th Anniversary Edition of "Hungry? Los Angeles."
Where to Eat in Marina Del Rey
Tear sheet from local reviews recently published in the 10th Anniversary Edition of "Hungry? Los Angeles."
Magic on New Year's Eve in Santa Monica
Magicopolis
1418 Fourth Street
Santa Monica, CA 90401
Phone: 310-451-2241
www.magicopolis.com
I attended Magicopolis for the turn of the new decade, and wished that I had made alternative arrangements. My goal was to find a place to go for new year’s eve that could provide live entertainment in addition to a night of drinking, (and hopefully eating) – and I also didn’t want to spend a ton of money. Going to Magicopolis and plunking down $60 seemed like an activity that would fit within my parameters.
Concerning the promise of party favors and food, this was one part of the night that delivered. There were enough hats and noise makers to go around, and we all received champagne to toast with at midnight. The buffet was also well provided: plates of cheese and crackers, fruit, small sandwiches, pizza and cake were all in abundance. The price of drinks was reasonable, around $5 for a domestic bottle, although they lacked a full liquor license and could only provide wine and beer. If this had been all I was looking for in the evening I would have been satisfied: however because I was visiting a place with the word “magic” in the title, I dared to hope for entertainment.
The website gave me expectations that were above and beyond what was provided. Splashed across the front page of the site are pictures of the owner with well known celebrities and raving reviews by respected local periodicals. My expectations were of a show involving a variety of performers and acts: perhaps some comedy, a few magicians and maybe a mime. What I was hoping for was a true variety show. What was provided was a little more homogenized than that.
There were no celebrities present, nor even any other performers besides the owner and his assistant. And the show itself lacked any sort of theatrical expertise. Out of the handful of acts performed, a good portion were ill-suited for a larger stage act attempting to entertain from the front row all the way to the back of the theater. For instance, several acts required us to maintain concentration on the whereabouts of several coins as they were passed around the audience. While the trick itself was performed well and allowed for audience participation, it would have been better performed during a street performance than in a medium sized theater.
There were several highlights of the night, namely an act of levitation and a death defying escape from a box full of spikes. And while these acts might have been good to see from the center of the theater, I was sitting on the side. Unfortunately this left me no question as to how these acts were performed, and there was certainly no magic involved.
After the show I spotted some promotional materials scattered about the lobby, and it became apparent what kind of place I was in. It seems that even though the website bills Magicopolis as a place of entertainment for all ages, they really specialize in children’s birthday parties. Armed with this new knowledge, I felt I could be a little more forgiving for the evening’s events, I also couldn’t help but feel that I had been the victim of false advertising.
1418 Fourth Street
Santa Monica, CA 90401
Phone: 310-451-2241
www.magicopolis.com
I attended Magicopolis for the turn of the new decade, and wished that I had made alternative arrangements. My goal was to find a place to go for new year’s eve that could provide live entertainment in addition to a night of drinking, (and hopefully eating) – and I also didn’t want to spend a ton of money. Going to Magicopolis and plunking down $60 seemed like an activity that would fit within my parameters.
Concerning the promise of party favors and food, this was one part of the night that delivered. There were enough hats and noise makers to go around, and we all received champagne to toast with at midnight. The buffet was also well provided: plates of cheese and crackers, fruit, small sandwiches, pizza and cake were all in abundance. The price of drinks was reasonable, around $5 for a domestic bottle, although they lacked a full liquor license and could only provide wine and beer. If this had been all I was looking for in the evening I would have been satisfied: however because I was visiting a place with the word “magic” in the title, I dared to hope for entertainment.
The website gave me expectations that were above and beyond what was provided. Splashed across the front page of the site are pictures of the owner with well known celebrities and raving reviews by respected local periodicals. My expectations were of a show involving a variety of performers and acts: perhaps some comedy, a few magicians and maybe a mime. What I was hoping for was a true variety show. What was provided was a little more homogenized than that.
There were no celebrities present, nor even any other performers besides the owner and his assistant. And the show itself lacked any sort of theatrical expertise. Out of the handful of acts performed, a good portion were ill-suited for a larger stage act attempting to entertain from the front row all the way to the back of the theater. For instance, several acts required us to maintain concentration on the whereabouts of several coins as they were passed around the audience. While the trick itself was performed well and allowed for audience participation, it would have been better performed during a street performance than in a medium sized theater.
There were several highlights of the night, namely an act of levitation and a death defying escape from a box full of spikes. And while these acts might have been good to see from the center of the theater, I was sitting on the side. Unfortunately this left me no question as to how these acts were performed, and there was certainly no magic involved.
After the show I spotted some promotional materials scattered about the lobby, and it became apparent what kind of place I was in. It seems that even though the website bills Magicopolis as a place of entertainment for all ages, they really specialize in children’s birthday parties. Armed with this new knowledge, I felt I could be a little more forgiving for the evening’s events, I also couldn’t help but feel that I had been the victim of false advertising.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Restaurant Review: Santa Monica's The Galley
The Galley:
2442 Main Street
Santa Monica, CA 90405
(310) 452-1934
www.thegalleyrestaurant.net
Where is the best place to go on Christmas Eve? If you drop in to the Galley, you’ll be greeted with Christmas lights every day of the year, but that doesn’t make this place any less festive during the last few days of December. Specializing in steaks and seafood, the Galley serves up plenty to lift your spirits. Although not my favorite Santa Monica stop, I would definitely recommend it to any visitor interested in surf and turf cuisine.
Firstly, you have to be prepared for the décor in this place. Even though I went there for dinner on Christmas Eve, the tentacled strands of multi-colored Christmas lights that snake through the entire place are officially full sail all year long. Tables and booths resemble the interior of an old fashioned sailing ship, complete with overhead lights made out of blowfish and porthole “windows” by the tables. Some might think that the dining atmosphere is a slightly cheesy, but if you are prepared for more of a dining adventure than a simple dinner, forage ahead.
The Galley is supposedly Santa Monica’s oldest restaurant, which automatically gives it a little bit of charm and intrigue. I like the story about how Captain Ron ended up buying the place, supposedly due in large part to the fact that he wanted to get the secret salad dressing recipe. I also like the fact that Captain Ron shows up on a nightly basis to entertain. He was there when I went, but he didn’t make it over to my corner to try to impress me with one of his comedy acts. It supposed to be a real crowd pleaser if you are around according to other regulars.
Food: The food for a sit down meal is expensive. Entrees are their specialty, so even though you can get pasta or chicken for around 20 bucks, you should really get the steak or the seafood if you want to try what they are known for. For an appetizer, I ordered the tasty fried calamari. The breading was even and crunchy, and the calamari itself wasn’t rubbery as I expected: instead it was chewy and thick, but not too much of a challenge as to make it annoying. For an entrée I ordered the five fried fantail jumbo shrimp with their signature cocktail sauce. Juicy and plump, these shrimp left me satisfied. My date ordered the $59 Alaskan lobster tail and rib eye steak. The sides of the steak retained a little too much fat for my taste, but you will not leave the table hungry if you order this dish. Side dishes were a hit and miss: the garlic mashed potatoes were surprisingly good, although they lacked any accompanying gravy or butter. The sautéed spinach was a different story: this dish cooled down shortly after arriving at the table and all of the leaves stuck together in a big glob.
Now that I’ve tried their entrees, the next time I visit I’ll sit at the bar and try the more reasonably priced sandwich menu, which isn’t available at the tables. Sitting at the bar would be the smart choice for someone looking to check out this Santa Monica landmark without spending a fortune on dinner.
Who Should Go: Even though a surf and turf dining experience here will greatly lift your wallet, don’t mistake this place with an expensive atmosphere. This is not romantic, but it can be fun. If you go with a group of friends or want to try an adventurous dinner date this place hits the spot. My suggestion if you are unsure about committing to an expensive dinner is to check out the bar menu during the evening and ask fellow diners how they enjoyed their fare.
2442 Main Street
Santa Monica, CA 90405
(310) 452-1934
www.thegalleyrestaurant.net
Where is the best place to go on Christmas Eve? If you drop in to the Galley, you’ll be greeted with Christmas lights every day of the year, but that doesn’t make this place any less festive during the last few days of December. Specializing in steaks and seafood, the Galley serves up plenty to lift your spirits. Although not my favorite Santa Monica stop, I would definitely recommend it to any visitor interested in surf and turf cuisine.
Firstly, you have to be prepared for the décor in this place. Even though I went there for dinner on Christmas Eve, the tentacled strands of multi-colored Christmas lights that snake through the entire place are officially full sail all year long. Tables and booths resemble the interior of an old fashioned sailing ship, complete with overhead lights made out of blowfish and porthole “windows” by the tables. Some might think that the dining atmosphere is a slightly cheesy, but if you are prepared for more of a dining adventure than a simple dinner, forage ahead.
The Galley is supposedly Santa Monica’s oldest restaurant, which automatically gives it a little bit of charm and intrigue. I like the story about how Captain Ron ended up buying the place, supposedly due in large part to the fact that he wanted to get the secret salad dressing recipe. I also like the fact that Captain Ron shows up on a nightly basis to entertain. He was there when I went, but he didn’t make it over to my corner to try to impress me with one of his comedy acts. It supposed to be a real crowd pleaser if you are around according to other regulars.
Food: The food for a sit down meal is expensive. Entrees are their specialty, so even though you can get pasta or chicken for around 20 bucks, you should really get the steak or the seafood if you want to try what they are known for. For an appetizer, I ordered the tasty fried calamari. The breading was even and crunchy, and the calamari itself wasn’t rubbery as I expected: instead it was chewy and thick, but not too much of a challenge as to make it annoying. For an entrée I ordered the five fried fantail jumbo shrimp with their signature cocktail sauce. Juicy and plump, these shrimp left me satisfied. My date ordered the $59 Alaskan lobster tail and rib eye steak. The sides of the steak retained a little too much fat for my taste, but you will not leave the table hungry if you order this dish. Side dishes were a hit and miss: the garlic mashed potatoes were surprisingly good, although they lacked any accompanying gravy or butter. The sautéed spinach was a different story: this dish cooled down shortly after arriving at the table and all of the leaves stuck together in a big glob.
Now that I’ve tried their entrees, the next time I visit I’ll sit at the bar and try the more reasonably priced sandwich menu, which isn’t available at the tables. Sitting at the bar would be the smart choice for someone looking to check out this Santa Monica landmark without spending a fortune on dinner.
Who Should Go: Even though a surf and turf dining experience here will greatly lift your wallet, don’t mistake this place with an expensive atmosphere. This is not romantic, but it can be fun. If you go with a group of friends or want to try an adventurous dinner date this place hits the spot. My suggestion if you are unsure about committing to an expensive dinner is to check out the bar menu during the evening and ask fellow diners how they enjoyed their fare.
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